After reading that, the main though I can’t escape from is “wow, there are some irresponsible people out there leading ayahuasca retreats”. I can’t understand why they would refuse to let you get up, or to offer reassuring touch, or to let participants interact with each other. I am not familiar with aya myself, as I am concerned about the cultural appropriation connected to the taking of it, but from more local plant medicine to myself, my experiences tell me that this is something to be taken in a room with loved ones, people you trust, people who will always offer you touch and love and reassurance. I worry about people who go through what you went through while at a ‘retreat’ who don’t have the mental fortitude to integrate and process what they went through, and to turn it into a force for good. Did the people leading this experience have clinic or psychotherapy experience and qualifications? Did they know what to do if someone’s deep trauma was really turn open and they went into full psychosis?

I recommend reading “The Cull of Personality” by Kevin Tucker to realise the problematic aspects of people turning ayahuasca into a profitable businesses (+ the term “spiritual extractivism”) so that those of us who do want to explore the depths of the human psyche, other dimensions etc, can do it in a way that does not further exploit indigenous people — or f*** with something that we don’t understand.

I’m glad you came out of this experience determined to help others, and I think that IS the true message of the plants. People who take it, enjoy the experience and then keep going ‘back’, disconnecting from this reality and more or less abandoning humanity for their own enjoyment and exploration, is what I see far too much. But just yesterday, I heard Charles Eisenstein (on Russell Brand’s podcast) discussing how he saw himself as an emissary, who had been to the other dimensions through plant medicine and had come back to help the world, and your article reminds me of this. But, on the other hand, I worry for others who go through what you went through and are not given the right support, love, guidance and integration to process the experience. Did these people take a lot of money from you for this experience? Did they offer psychological support and integration afterwards? I want to implore anyone who is considering a psychedelic journey to seriously think about these questions beforehand, and make sure you fully trust the people you’re taking it with…